i'm quitting !

migrating to tumblr :D get at itttttt.

-my dreamjournal that i made on tumblr looks better than blogspot. so yeeeauh.

i can make it juicy, for yaaa, babe.

jerome hella fell asleep. stupid shit. i guess, nothing to do now. can't listen to music cos the parentals might wake up. emily has the earphones. i want to use her iMac computer that shawn gave to her. it looks pretty =.= that's the second computer he gave her. when is he gonna give me one! hers looks better than this dell. i hate how the screen is so wide..

i wear my disguise, til' i go home at night. and turn down all the lights, and then I break down and cry.

i don't have anyone to turn to at this point. i've faded away from basically... everyone. i hate it. i hate myself =/ shawn says i have low self esteem. he's right, i do. i feel like crying. and apparently, for no good darn reason.

fact : i'm not being bitchy or moody right now.
mood: neglected ;/

Why do i do the things i do? when my heart, belongs to you

baby don’t leave, please don’t go. i was a fool not to show, how I really feel inside. i was scared cos i been hurt a time or two. but nothing compares to losing you. willing to put my pride aside.. to show you the heart behind my eyes,

aj's profile songs are stuck in my head >_> lalala ! i was talking to jamie kenneth carlos and aj from 1am - 4-am, well sort of. after it hit 3am they said jamie hung up. i wasn't really sure though. and half an hour later kenneth fell asleep =.= he was breathing very deeply, loudly. aj said "brb" to get a drink. so i was stuck talking to carlos, i asked him if he was getting tired. he said yes ;O so when aj started talking again, i think carlos fell asleep. cos his voice sounded all weird. so i talked to aj for 20 minutes :D personal shit. we talked about weird things. i haven't talked to him on the phone for longer than 10 minutes alone since last month ! either than this morning. kenneth started breathing louder so aj said bye and i love you. hung up. i started reading cos i'm a dork o_O my mom woke me up at 7am for no good frrrucking reason - i was pissed dude, i started yelling at her. she told me to look for the remote but i could barely open my eyes. jazmyne called an hour ago. i wanna go out to eat with her. but i need money from emily ;/ brandon called half an hour ago, i told him about my dream / nightmare. then he said i could go back to sleep. so i hung up. aj <3 i miss him. he's probably sleeping though =/

babe, let's just be...

so mid-winter break starts on monday. it's going to be fun without going to school, seeing the teachers and worrying about my grades and crap. but then again, whenever we don't have school.. i feel really anti-social. i just spent the past four hours talking on the phone with khristina. that hasn't happened for a while. i was texting carlos for a few hours. and i barely talked to anyone else today. other than them. >_> i keep saying this but, i really miss my boyfriend. a week without seeing him? or any of the mains? that's going to be super hard D: it's already hard not seeing him over the weekend. add five days, and another weekend. that's super gay. i'll see khristina and janet at least once though. i want someone else to call me now ;/ i feel like hearing aj's voice. oh no, i sound all sprung. stop that.

sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. somebody pinch me, your love's to good to be true

today is friday the thirteenth. i seriously thought today was going to be horrible. turns out, it was great. i barely had to do any work in school. but i was mad after second period. we had an assembly during first period. my class was suppose to be watching a movie. in second period, the teacher was suppose to look at our sketchbooks and grade us on our drawings and vocabulary words. but everyone went before me in line. so a minute before the bell rang at the end of class i asked if he could grade mine and if i could get a pass, since everyone went before me. and he was busy grading theres he didn't get to do mine. he said no, he wouldn't write me a pass -_- so i ran to third period before i could be any more late than i thought i was going to be. finished the map test in the computer lab. had a test in science afterwards. i took extra long cos i didn't get it for the first 15 minutes ! i spent lunch time with aj and khristina outside. jerome took my i.d. from aj O.o he kept throwing it around. so at the end of lunch i had to chase him and hit him to get it back. mister piccoli didn't do shit about it. what an ass! didn't have to do a lot of work during block. ate cookies, and i looked through a very old yearbook. miss pruzan threw a paper ball at me >_> RUDE.

paolo gave me $43 to go buy a chococat for vanessa. since he isn't going to be able to go to the mall for the next week or so. i went straight home after khristina gave me valentine candies =/ boring ! i fell asleep twenty minutes after i got home. got a call around 4pm. kenneth said he was outside w/ aj and jacob >:O i changed and ran up the hill. emily looked at me weird. rawr. those bitches were really there, too -_- went to benefit with them three. i went on the swings and spent the whole time with aj. he had to leave, so kenneth and jacob walked me home. well.. -ish. i got home, ate some chocolate covered strawberries and now i'm watching TFC with my mom and uncle. texting khristina about how there's another friday the thirteenth next month. and texting carlos about how i blog when i'm bored lols

i never really trusted you.. i just did what I had to do, cos i loved you.

i need to get my hair layered again, and my bangs cut. i just trimmed my bangs. not that noticeable. i was scared to cut more off =.= emily just offered me to go with her to southcenter. but i'm sorta too lazy and my left eye hurts. what the fuck! i never really passed a chance to go to the mall. but whatever, i guess. i need to stop wasting emily's money. i'm going to play sims2, nightlife. since no one's calling me yet.

i'm into you. and boy, no one else would do. cos with every kiss and every hug, you make me fall in love.

today was alright. boring ;/ i volunteered to go clean up gold fish crackers off the ground in the hallway. mister kochevar gave me a lead pencil and a bunch of lead. he's nice o_O it's weird ! bella, jessica and i agree that he's now our favorite teacher. we're going to have a party tomorrow. had to do a math test during third period in the computer lab.. it was so fucking hard, dude. i guessed on most of them. uhh, i guess aj and i are talking again. i'm glad he's not avoiding me anymore. i need to cut my bangs! i'll do it tonight >_< i have 'C' and a 'D' in block class. since i have a bad grade, i have to get my parent to sign this one form. and i have to do make up work D; i am no longer friends with hieu and mahki -_- but they think i'm just mad at them. stupid stupid stupid!

my uncle's telling me to go eat. i'm not even hungry. stupid shit. and all there is that's cooked is squid. YUCK! i hate the way they cook it. stupid filipinos D:< i'll probably put some eggos in the toaster - eat those and pretend that i'll eat the squid :D

tell me why,

i believed everything you've once said to me.
i'm a fool...

you said you wouldn't give up on me. you said you loved me.
but at this moment, it seems like you have. and you don't.
you said it was stupid for us to avoid eachother.
yet, that's what we're currently doing.
you said you cared, -doesn't seem like it...
you once told me that you said all of those things,
because you truly meant it.
you said maybe, one day you'd get tired of me..
maybe that day is today.
but you also said this was like a birthmark
and it'd never go away.
you said you'd be able to love me
longer than you've waited before.
you said you wouldn't hurt me..
it has happened a couple of times.
yet, i still believed you.
you told me that if i really understood, then i'd know
that i was the most important person in your life.
though, i thought it wasn't true.. i believed you.
you said you wanted us to be together.
but we're farther apart now than ever before.

i remembered every single thing you've once said to me.
and i believed all of it, and i trusted you.
but i guess... everything i thought isn't what it seemed to be.

Now, youre saying love's only temporary.

i honestly can't believe how sprung i am -_-

a typical thirteen year old's day.

emily and chris dropped me off at school this morning. i told jessica about how i confessed to cam. she said it seemed like that was impossible -_- i am seriously not the person i use to be. brandon and i were drawing domo-kuns during science. he said he'd buy me a pink domo :DDD mister walen was passing out papers to give out to our parents. numerous of us asked for it in tagalog. alexa asked for one in japanese.. even though her parents are full filipino. XD it was hilarious! brandon gave me a big bag of hot cheetos for lunch. too bad everyone was killing it D: peter kept bringing up the fact that aj was holding me on friday. and that we don't even go out .. peter was making it a very big darn deal. either he cares way too much, and just wants to watch out for me. or something else. qristaan told me something at lunch, about what jamie was going to do. i went ballistic cos i didn't know what to do about it. i hate disappointment, especially when it's towards me. it hurts. before fifth period, i had a vagina cramp... or maybe it was just something with my bladder. who knows! kenneth guessed. i told khristina about it >_> she thought it was weird. whatever! i love her.

hello seattle :)

8:31am -
you fucking bipolar ass weather, city. it was kind of snowing around 4/5am. and now it's all sunny-ish. you fucker! i went to sleep around 2 last night. and woke up around 5:40. took a nap from 7-8, since we have late start. i love having late start. short classes are fun.

9:14am -
i missed my bus. thanks to the fact that emily's late to work.. her and chris could bring me. she said she'll text me in two minutes when to go to the car, i dont know. and she just found my report card. my GPA: 3.1
stupid fucking shit. three classes said, "Too much socializing."
....too much socializing? MY ASS!

"i want to be like aladdin and jasmine, like romeo and juliet.. i want us to be ...together."

"o0o0o0o!" STFU. oh gosh, i just got back from northgate and target. i feel like a mallrat. i've been to the mall for the past two days. that's gay. i'm seriously bored. my cousin's having a baby and the babyshower is today. but, i guess i'm not going. my sister wants me to stay home with my brother and watch the house. blah blah blah. i was really looking forward to seeing my cousins -_- Bye. i'm gonna go eat some oreos +milk, i haven't had any in a very long time.

and whenever i think it's over... i tend to be wrong, everytime. cos we're not.

"28th"=BAD LUCK. it just is. today was fine. i got to see Jelena :D i mean.. i miss her. but then again, she changed so much. it's just plain weird. like forreals though >.< lol

-For some reason, so many stressful things have been happening. and it's making me more weak than i already am. i'm becoming a person i promised myself i'd never become. i don't like it, and i for sure can't stand it! i've noticed i reminisce more than i should, and more than anyone else. really. and it's because i haven't thought well about my life in so long. especially, since sixth grade. i look on how much pain i am currently going through compared to how stress-free i was back then. and you know what? it hurts. I can't even believe how badly all of this shit affected me.

imagine if you could hear the sound of a fallen star, that's how closely i would listen for the beat of your heart

there was early dismissal today, so i went to jefferson with cheryl carey april brandon hieu paolo mahki and jerome. we saw sixth graders there. i have no idea why, i'm home so darn early ! it kinda makes me pissed, ha. and i can't even get a hold of anyone who wants to go kick it. i don't wanna stay home! UGH. this week was straight up gay. monday was alright; tuesday went horrible. i ended up crying in fourth period due to how mad i was- stupid anger tears. things got worse when i talked to aj. today/wednesday; BORING. my phone stopped working! my sisters forgot to pay the bills. this sucks! but i had fun with the girls and homo guys at jefferson. ughk, last night.. i broke down. i told kenneth everything. i honestly don't know how all my stress got built up that i exploded and opened up to him. fucker!

this circle never ends.... and it's time you just face it. just, don't pretend,

for some reason, dreams and songs change my mood. and sometimes, even my outlook on things.

dreamjournal. i miss my old one.. eergh. i haven't had a lot of dreams, eversince jamie and i broke up. i'm not saying that it's a bad or good thing. just thought it was a really, weird thing.

LIFE'S GRRRRREAT,

sike. fuck that. i'm not content everything in my life, except siblings +october'07crew. i slowly drifted away from a few. except the mains: janice, kirsten, kayla, bella, alexa, brandon, paolo, hieu, daniel, and mahki. they'll always stick by my side <3 loooove em'. i've even talked to two old friends, janet and ..... :) it made my day. EVERYONE was fussing over my party favor -_- it was awkward.
during an assessment during block, i was so freakin' lost. i spaced out for twenty minutes! i know, right.. pretty horrible. blah blah blah. life's gay =p don't cha just love it?! sarcasm's the best -_-

today, aj and i broke up.

You’re more than the answer, for every question i have. There's no way that i deserve you..

this week was alright, i guess... there were so many tests! im not even done with my writing essay yet. aj & i have had our ups and downs. but it turned out great at the end <3 i've gotten closer to the old group: cheryl roseann april kristina eliza, and even janet! :D i've kinda faded away from khristina and lailonnie. HAAA, both of the jerome's talk to me a lot now. it's kinda weird! so, i have unified arts starting tuesday. i wonder how that's gonna go! HEEEEEHEEEHEE, everyone is sore from the dance. except me :) i guess im just use to it. haaaa,

looking back to the past just brings up, "what it's" that shouldn't even have been in mind.

and i had to find that out the hard way.

girls, never snoop through your boyfriend's old messages, and comments. i always do this. i did it to jerome's old myspace when we were still dating. when jamie and i were dating, i looked through a bunch of his old stuff too. jacob should be glad that he just made his. and yeah.. i was recently looking through aj's. yeah, he's probably reading this right now. thinking im hella nosey. But, honestly... i dont wanna be one of "them". i only read those past messages to see what he has ever said to any of the girls from his past. and compare that to what him and i do/are going to have. kirsten and i had this talk when i was going out with jerome. i tried my best to not be one of them. and yes, i've succeeded. i'm the one who actually lasted the longest and the one who broke up with him. he's broken up with all of them. i taught him a lesson.
And in this relationship that i'm currently in, with alejandro. im going to try my best to be different, to be someone special, to not be one of those girls who didn't last long. or one of those girls he had to say "i love you" to not lose, or cos he felt he had to. and that, is my goal. simple. i want us to last long. i want him to think of me differently. i want to be someone special, who'll make a big impact on his life in a positive way. i want him to say "i love you" when he means it from the bottom of his heart. and not, cos he has to. this here.. is all i want.

What if I told you that my heart beats a little more when you're around <3

oh, hey. i deleted like ten blog posts. and edited a bunch of them.

last night/this morning was fuckin horrible;
manang mj just came home drunk and started bitchin. manong gave shawn kayrene i a good lecture, we cried <3 togetherzzz.

"drunk words are sober thoughts"

and there are moments like this, where i get confused for no reason.

i haven't talked to my boyfraaaand for a few hours now. ugh, i miss him. i feel so darn sprung off of him, i just posted a picture that says "i heart aj" on his myspace. im such a loser for that. he says he's confused. i dont know, i dont feel like asking what about. i'll just leave it? and give him space? maybe, that's just what he needs right now.. i dont know.

i saw a whole bunch of family today! it was fun :D ahah!

it only takes one simple thing to do, to change my mind about everything <3

i need to stay away from you. i really do. before tonight, i just wanted to be a close good friend. i just wanted to be there for you, when you needed someone. i didn't want to be your girlfriend. but, it seemed like... you would ignore me, unless i was with you. but at a time like this, i need someone who'll make me happy. someone who'll understand me. i want you to understand that i'm always going to be here for you, like any other good friend. but, to me.. it seems like i HAVE TO be your girlfriend, or im NOTHING at all. i tried my best to change that. and just be a "friend". but after tonight, i think i need to stop trying. i need to stay away from you. i dont wanna fall for that game anymore. i just dont need it. and really... i cant believe i snuck out for you.

9182008< / 3 no mores.

Unlike anything that i have ever felt before. when we laid eyes, i can see that there was something more.

i guess it's true when they say, "there's a song to remind you of each person who was important to you". never ever will i listen to 'so sick' by ne-yo, again. i cant take it. rawr ;d i was late to school. and stupid kenneth took my last hash brown. what a bitch! oh, but i had an espresso brownie from starbucks. OH GOSH, im stressing out about school. can you believe that? i use to think that school didn't matter. but, it does. there are too many tests. i forgot my science journal in my locker, and i have a BIG ass test tomorrow. i won't even get to study! that's gay... -_- im done with the turnaround test for block and the benchmark test in math. i did horrible on the benchmark one. oh ha, wow. i've never been this close to anyone i've ever been in a relationship with. i always have this one weird feeling whenever im around him. i actually kinda like it ;) ha. it's just a bit akward for me.. since, this relationship is different than the ones before.

OOOOH, and if i get breast cancer -it's gonna be all Mahki's fault! he keeps abusing my boobs. what a bitch! D:

is it me, or am i just falling a bit too hard?

as i space out during the test in math, i find myself reminiscing about the past and daydreaming about the future. im glad that i am now with someone who'll try his best to make me happy. i dont regret anything that i've done in the past. they were mistakes, but hey.. just another lesson learned, right? mhm. as i thought about all the guys from my past, i just couldn't seem to figure out how this whole thing with aj was even possible. seems like, it wasn't that long ago that we were both in separate worlds... him in love with one of my close friends, and i crushing on an older guy who i knew i'd never get a chance with. -that may have been monthS ago, but to me.. it seems like it was only yesterday. Michael announced, "Finally!" ...yeah. my goodness, i miss my past like hell. i mean, dont take me wrong. im starting to love my life, now. but, i'd love to re-live my past. OKAY, so as i was taking a walk ; i was thinking how WHY i think my life is so bad compared to before. honestly, it's not. my friends are coming back to me, im finally with someone who makes me happy, im closer to my siblings than ever before. i guess, it's only BAD cos i've never thought this hard about how my life is. i have no dad, i don't communicate with half of my family, i cause too much trouble for my mom, my grades are low, i dont pay attention in class.. for some reason, bad thoughts just keep popping up at times, when im starting to enjoy what i have.

I promise that i wont be wasting your time, im tryna give you everything that's mine.

your my counterpoint & im tryna draw the line, +if im wrong then hell let me be blind ;)

during gym, we locked mister mac out :D that was hilarious! jeremy m, jerome c and the other guys were the ones who didn't open the door for him. blame it on them! hahaha in science, we made metamorphic rocks. jeremy, alyssa, charlotte, and mines turned out looking like a gingerbread man. so i kept him :D he's in my locker. "FRED!". i had to go on lailonnie's back to try to clip the tether ball to the string. didn't work... probably cos i was still too short! haha. my boobs got abused my stupid mahki. if i get breast cancer, it's gonna be all his fault! we had a party in block, it was fun. rosemarie has the same EXACT camera that im going to get. i envy her like hell! miss pruzan was arm wrestling people. it was weird -_-

Let me be the one to give you everything you want & need. Baby, you should let me love you.

i woke up about thirty minutes ago and started blogging about my dreams on prinncesxd.tumblr.com HAHAHA you dont have to read them if you dont want to though. that's my new dreamjournal :) so whateveeeer. ugly =P

Multiply your smile minus the drama. give me a fraction of your heart i'll solve your problems now put that together we make up a perfect equation.

no one else can makes me smile the way you do,

well, i had a pretty darn good day ! before school, bella and i argued as usual. and pushed eachother. hahaha, she's too skinny D: ooh, today.. all of us were wearing boots. bella planned it out. what a weirdo! right? :D history+gym=boring as usual. math was fun ! janice and i called everyone in the class whose number we knew. kirsten's phone rang ! it was hella loud, ha. janice started dying ! everyone else's phone was on silent or vibrate though. mister paloy was picking on me again. he warned me, when janice was the one laughing. that was stupid ! gahd. before fourth period, i got a hug from aj :D ha, shut up. eh. science was fun, except that people were talking too loud while i was trying to watch the movie -eagle eye. OOOH, and bella spilled hot chocolate on hieu ! then he accidentally spilled some on brandon's north face. but alexa and i had fun watching the movie while the other kids were gambling and playing thirteen. lunch was gay ! stupid devin tried to t-bag me while i was sitting on the floor finishing my homework. what a bitch. while walking down the hallway to get to fifth period, i fell since janice made me laugh too hard ! ha, she's hilarious. aj picked me back up, or well.. tried. block was way more fun than usual ! paolo tried on skylar's tutu :D that was hilarious ! everyone was dying. kenneth texted me while the counselor was talking. rawr ;d he told me things i didn't really wanna hear. but oh wells.. EEEEE ! i'll blog later. im talking to aj on aim.

"i was there when you fell, and i picked you right back up." ha, nice.

Your love, is the sweetest drug

"you look like a school girl when you wear collared t-shirts. all you need is a plaid skirt" HAHAHAH :D no thank you.

i ate breakfast today :D that was the first in months. i came to school with none of my homework finished. i had eight hours of sleep last night, that hasn't happened since winter break. i had a big test in history ! i dont think i did very well. i got processed in math -_- for the first time ever. thanks mr. paloy! i only had one warning and hella other people already had two. and once i got another one, he sent me out. i swear, he has something against me. so does miss pruzan. lunch was alright, i guess.

after fifth period i went up to kenneth and told him to tell jacob to break up with me. and i mean OFFICIALLY break up with me. i didnt wanna do it, cos i'd feel all guilty afterwards. once jacob came to kenneth he asked why he needed to. kenneth told him cos i said so. jacob was shocked, didnt know what to do. he kept asking why. kenneth said, "just say it's over!" and once i changed my expression jacob finally said it. "okay.. it's over?" and i nodded my head gracefully and walked away. i told bella what happened. she said im stupid for that. i should've just broke up with him instead of telling him to do it. but look at the bright side, i dont have to feel guilty about talking to other guys while we were going out, right?

How do we reverse the chemistry, i don't want us to be the end of me

what a rough day
things started out great. i tried on jerome tabin's eyeglasses. they aren't that bad. he says i look better with them on :D ha ! he's uber weird. OH, and my gym clothes and stuff got stolen. lunch was alright, i finished my science homework.

during passing period, i grabbed jacob aside and tried talking to him. people started surrounding us, it started to look all dramatic. qristaan thought i was crying so he pretended to wipe a tear off my cheek -__- the guys were tellin' jacob to get on his knees and beg. i didnt want him to look like a little bitch so i said "no" . he tried apologizing. "sorry doesn't work" . :] even more people started grouping around us, and getting into our business. i couldn't take it. so i walked away. it was just too much pressure. i didnt know what else to say, what else to do. i couldnt even explain how i felt for the past two weeks feelings abandoned by him. i almost started crying during sixth period. what a bitch ! D: and afterschool, people told me that jacob got on his knees once i walked away... HA, WOW.

I use to hate love, cause I just couldn't figure it out.

i guess no one has my heart, after all
dude, i've been blogging about guys for the past month. you must be tired of reading about it. OH WELLS, dont read it then. first of all, i think this whole situation with jacob is stupid. i really want to talk to him about how our relationship ended. this is starting to end up how jamie and i ended. no one broke up with one another we just both suspected something was wrong and didn't claim eachother anymore. but with jacob, he abandoned me. i want to tell him how he did me wrong, how worried i was, how stupid i am. i dont wanna confront him and make everything seem all dramatic and crap. i just wanna talk things out. not get back together, but settle things so that nothing will seem akward between us. and to jamie... my goodness. why cant i get over the fact that we're not together anymore? i guess it's cos i miss how you use to give me all of your attention. and i miss how you would always make me laugh. oh gahd. and to the other dude, who i know is reading this.. i dont know how we would ever take a step further of what we currently have. we dont even talk face to face. and a nudge when you walk past me, isn't saying "hi". communicate with me in the RIGHT ways.

I'm just like every other girl who wants to believe that fairytales really do come true.

First day back to school from break was okay. i got to see most of my love ones :) but not my two main bitches : khristina and hieu ! rideordiechick, i love you and i hope you feel better sometime soon. little bitch ass brother, nigga get your ass to school tomorrow. i miss you! hahah. janice got me chocolates like i recommended. rawr ;d i got hit a lot, today. talk about abussive students ! D: janice made me die of laughter during block. she tried to take my binder away and like i fell >.< alexa started dying ! it was retarded. OOH, and i got the biggest hug ever from bella :D ! and i didn't talk to alejandro, at all. weird. i forgot to say "hi". no, not forgot. just felt like he didn't wanna talk to me. gym was fun ? freetime, making fun of jerome and his glasses, watching jamie fall :D , hitting mr. mac in the head with the volleyball! i got good ass aim ^_^ hehehe, my day went pretty darn good .

It's the simple things that my heart beats for<3

and as i checked my phone this morning, i noticed khristina sent me a text.
baby, i know how youre feeling right now. well, mostly. im so sorry that your gramps passed awat. it feels like everything is crashing down on you, the world might as well end. i know exactly how you bursted into tears, and still are shedding tears. one of my loved ones passed away in 2005. i know, i was younger. i didn't know as much and i didn't know EXACTLY what was going on. but once my grandma was gone. it felt like everything ended. my heart stopped for a second. i bursted into tears. i know, that youre probably doing worse since your gramps was very, very close to you. it's probably the way my brother and my gma was. i just want you to know, im always gonna be ehre for you babes. no matter what. and if you need someone to talk to about it, im always gonna be here. i understand how you feel. i know how horrible things may seem to you at the moment. i love you, and you know that.

All I want to do is give all my love to you. My heart belongs to you. This I promise you.

so my day started out okay, i woke up early. BUT, it started to get worse. im PMSing. and i hate when i am! fuckin' moodswings and shit. OOH, and did i mention it's snowing? i think there's going to be a two hour delay for school tomorrow. it's snowing now, but it's suppose to rain later so the roads might clear up.

OOH, and im starting to get use to using photofiltre. i downloaded it this morning, and i was editing +messing with photos for about an hour. look to the left. hahah! it looks pretty gay. but i'll get better :] ...sometime soon. OH AND BTW, why doesn't anyone comment my blog?! even if you dont have a blogspot, you can still comment. just click the '_ comments' link.

Let's be grateful that the strain of our arguments only brought us closer than before.

4:55pm:

boy trouble= what my life has been revolving around for the past four months. i cant even take it anymore.

"every single day i wonder what we can be. but there could never be us cuz it would never work out, cuz of these little things that we trip about. im in...no i cant say that since its not in your vocabulary. but i just really like you. and you should know that. just somtimes i cant get you off my mind like the only way i can get you off my mind if the doctors do surgery on me to take you off my mind. but i wont let them do that. i just wish some day there can actually be a us"

i really can't believe you just sent that to me through my truth box
-___-


5:38pm:

"im sorry for telling you how i feel/felt about us just being friends and nothing more. i just wasnt thinking. i havent slept all day. my mind isnt just working right, right now.and i said i wasnt going to hurt you anymore. but im not living up to it. i just hurted you again, im guilty as charged. its just that this feeling for you is making me crazy."

-_- wth, aj.

first day of 2k9 :]

okay, so my new year's eve started out bad. but ended up really good. i got to see my dad's side of the family. i haven't seen them in like TWO years! so i was pretty glad.

Dec.31st, 2k8; my confessions of '08

i haven't gotten much sleep, but im fine. i took a few naps so i should be okay, for awhile. going to dinner with my two sisters and maybe my two brothers tonight. okay, so i thought i should confess about everything that has happened over the year. and i should also restate my new year's resolutions.

let's start off with relationships: jerome tabin/cadelina was my first actual boyfriend. i cant really say that anything special happened. he taught me how to overcome my shy-ness and he showed me what kind of relationship i deserved. jamie orme was my second. he was a type of person who taught me how to just have fun. i wasn't worried about how he thought about me, he made me happy. but eventually, things turned. i had to let it go, but i still have feelings for him.. yes, even if he didn't treat me as good as he should've. jacob celmar doesn't fall into the vocabulary of an ex. he's still my current? i lost all feelings for him. i lost all my respect for him also. he has abandoned me :] OH but the one thing that really made me fall for him was that, he took advantage of me. i kinda liked it. time to move on. and to all the guys that i have been crushing on, it was just another lesson learned.

and friends: i miss every single past bestfriend i had. im not that same happy little girl anymore. the last time i was TRULY happy was last school year =/ when i had people who meant something to me, cheer me up. with all those different personalities, making up my own. i could never be truly happy without them, it's impossible. one friend i'll never forget is kristina mon. and also, janet nguyen. compared to before, i dont talk to you two AT ALL. whenever i think about how our friendship went down the drain, i wonder.

family: things have gotten better and worse. especially worse. though, we all stuck by eachother through the rough times. i dont know where i'd be without my siblings.

education/school: i hate it! though i love how i get to see my friends five days a week. winter break has been killing me. i miss the mains. but i hate all of my teachers, this school year. i miss ms.coe! she was the best block teacher ever.

myself: i have changed too much. this one dude, made me a weak person. he made me go through an emo stage that mentally changed me. i cant even go back. though i thank him for teaching me to not forget that this is reality. not a dream. fairytales dont always come true. i just wish i didnt meet that guy. cos without him in my life, i'd be fine. i wouldn't have went through that emo stage. and i'd probably still have all my friends. i kept trying to move on. but i moved on in the wrong way. i tried to move on my forgetting about that guy and going on to the next. instead, i did that with friends. but now, i've learned my lesson. i just want everything back to normal!! me being a bitch. me being happy. me being careless. me being a fun and retarded person. me not caring about what anyone else thinks. and now i TRY to be all of that. when honestly, it's just me pretending.




new year's resolutions:
-get facial piercing
-lose at least five pounds
-succeed in everything i do
-try to become the old old me
-gain back my old friendships ><
-get over my past

Now I have a hand to hold, and a reason to believe<3

oh my gosh, so while i was walking to the store with my niece kayrene at like five/six am.. i almost passed out like three times. i got so light headed that i like practically fell on the street for like a second. weird weird weird. today was weird though. i ate almost all of shawn's jalapeno chips :D ima fatty. rawr ;d

Our love for eachother is like a rollercoaster.

HAHA ooookay. i didnt get any rest yet. my sister said everyone in the house needs to be up by nine to eat breakfast and open presents. but we weren't tired yet, and we were bored. so my brother - shawn, niece - kayrene, nephew - junior, and i went to the park around four:forty. we went down the slides. and pushed eachother into the snow. had a little snowball fight. it got boring, so around five:thiry we started to walk to another park that was almost a mile away. rawr ;d we got a lot of exercise. we were sledding and stuff. then we got reallllly cold since it was snowing a lot. so a little bit before seven, we started walking home. got home around seven:fifteen-ish. OOH, and did i mention we were singing a bunch of songs together. holiday songs and just random r&b, hip hop, and rock songs while walking there and back. AHAHA and whenever a car passed by we paused - froze and posed! it was verrrry funny. especially cos drivers were looking at us like "WTFFFF" lmao. Once we got home, we had to take off our outer layer of clothes before we got into the house since they didnt want the wooden floors to be all wet and slippery. my feet were seriously frozen. i couldn't feel them. so while everyone was already inside, i was outside for another ten minutes trying to take my boots off. my brothers started laughing at me. i know right! HELLLLA MEAN. once i got inside, we all planned to just stay up since there was only an hour and a half left to be up. next thing ya know, ten minutes later junior shawn kayrene start to lay down on the floor and couch. THEN five minutes later, my other brother checks on them and they're KNOCCCCCCKED OUT. haha so i guess im the only one who's pullin an all nighter. gay, right? whatever. im fine. im not sleepy yet. and hey, my christmas is turning out better than i thought it would =)

merry christmas, bitch

and happy birthday khristina manivanh! love you ride or die bitch.

happy birthday otherhalf =)

i love you jessica daproza. you complete me. haha, corny much? but it's whatever. i hope your day goes great! and not like how you said it'd go. i wish i could take you out, and go eat pho' or something, but the stupid ass snow! it's too icy and cold to go anywhere. rawr.

and thanks for the good ass advice. youre the only one who's supporting me on this.

real eyes, realize, real lies.

OKAY, so im kinda pissed.. jacob and i haven't talked in person since tuesday. haven't talked on the phone since like.. last friday. and i hate that he only talks to me on myspace. and he's leaving in like what? TWO days, to the philippines. which means : NO communication, at all. for about two weeks?! or somethin' like that. yeah, this sucks. stupid stupid stupid me.

Something as simple as me hearing your name, puts me in a place that I can't even explain.

guess what? today would've been jamie and i's three months

He got me speeding through the fast lane, pedal to the floor maayne, tryna get back to his love.

i guess i was wrong. i didn't get rejected by jacob. he asked me out on the tenth. but im forreals still stressin' out about school.

i wanna switch block classes! i get in trouble every day.. for no freakin reason. i swear, she hates me! im not even gonna lie. and stupid teachers won't let me switch. i hate honor classes!

I wish I could rip out a page, of my memory, cause I put too much energy in him and me.

i dont know about this relationship anymore. im not even sure if we're over or not. but im guessing we are. he changed his password, changed his status and everything. its whatever though. i dont wanna deal with relationships like this anymore .

LACK OF COMMUNICATION, BIGGGG TIMEEE.

A.N. jr.

okay. so i told him that we need a bit more time. since he asked me out. and if i said yes, i want us to be 100% comfortable around eachother. i dont wanna make another mistake. thing is, im scared that his ex and him still like eachother just a tad bit. her and i are really close. so yeah.. UGH.

back to school

i was soo fuccen excited for the first day. "catching up with others" and hella other shit i was lookin forward to. i was being hella emo >:/ First day of 7th grade= and i already cried 3 times in class.