Dec.31st, 2k8; my confessions of '08

i haven't gotten much sleep, but im fine. i took a few naps so i should be okay, for awhile. going to dinner with my two sisters and maybe my two brothers tonight. okay, so i thought i should confess about everything that has happened over the year. and i should also restate my new year's resolutions.

let's start off with relationships: jerome tabin/cadelina was my first actual boyfriend. i cant really say that anything special happened. he taught me how to overcome my shy-ness and he showed me what kind of relationship i deserved. jamie orme was my second. he was a type of person who taught me how to just have fun. i wasn't worried about how he thought about me, he made me happy. but eventually, things turned. i had to let it go, but i still have feelings for him.. yes, even if he didn't treat me as good as he should've. jacob celmar doesn't fall into the vocabulary of an ex. he's still my current? i lost all feelings for him. i lost all my respect for him also. he has abandoned me :] OH but the one thing that really made me fall for him was that, he took advantage of me. i kinda liked it. time to move on. and to all the guys that i have been crushing on, it was just another lesson learned.

and friends: i miss every single past bestfriend i had. im not that same happy little girl anymore. the last time i was TRULY happy was last school year =/ when i had people who meant something to me, cheer me up. with all those different personalities, making up my own. i could never be truly happy without them, it's impossible. one friend i'll never forget is kristina mon. and also, janet nguyen. compared to before, i dont talk to you two AT ALL. whenever i think about how our friendship went down the drain, i wonder.

family: things have gotten better and worse. especially worse. though, we all stuck by eachother through the rough times. i dont know where i'd be without my siblings.

education/school: i hate it! though i love how i get to see my friends five days a week. winter break has been killing me. i miss the mains. but i hate all of my teachers, this school year. i miss ms.coe! she was the best block teacher ever.

myself: i have changed too much. this one dude, made me a weak person. he made me go through an emo stage that mentally changed me. i cant even go back. though i thank him for teaching me to not forget that this is reality. not a dream. fairytales dont always come true. i just wish i didnt meet that guy. cos without him in my life, i'd be fine. i wouldn't have went through that emo stage. and i'd probably still have all my friends. i kept trying to move on. but i moved on in the wrong way. i tried to move on my forgetting about that guy and going on to the next. instead, i did that with friends. but now, i've learned my lesson. i just want everything back to normal!! me being a bitch. me being happy. me being careless. me being a fun and retarded person. me not caring about what anyone else thinks. and now i TRY to be all of that. when honestly, it's just me pretending.




new year's resolutions:
-get facial piercing
-lose at least five pounds
-succeed in everything i do
-try to become the old old me
-gain back my old friendships ><
-get over my past