LIFE'S GRRRRREAT,

sike. fuck that. i'm not content everything in my life, except siblings +october'07crew. i slowly drifted away from a few. except the mains: janice, kirsten, kayla, bella, alexa, brandon, paolo, hieu, daniel, and mahki. they'll always stick by my side <3 loooove em'. i've even talked to two old friends, janet and ..... :) it made my day. EVERYONE was fussing over my party favor -_- it was awkward.
during an assessment during block, i was so freakin' lost. i spaced out for twenty minutes! i know, right.. pretty horrible. blah blah blah. life's gay =p don't cha just love it?! sarcasm's the best -_-

today, aj and i broke up.

You’re more than the answer, for every question i have. There's no way that i deserve you..

this week was alright, i guess... there were so many tests! im not even done with my writing essay yet. aj & i have had our ups and downs. but it turned out great at the end <3 i've gotten closer to the old group: cheryl roseann april kristina eliza, and even janet! :D i've kinda faded away from khristina and lailonnie. HAAA, both of the jerome's talk to me a lot now. it's kinda weird! so, i have unified arts starting tuesday. i wonder how that's gonna go! HEEEEEHEEEHEE, everyone is sore from the dance. except me :) i guess im just use to it. haaaa,

looking back to the past just brings up, "what it's" that shouldn't even have been in mind.

and i had to find that out the hard way.

girls, never snoop through your boyfriend's old messages, and comments. i always do this. i did it to jerome's old myspace when we were still dating. when jamie and i were dating, i looked through a bunch of his old stuff too. jacob should be glad that he just made his. and yeah.. i was recently looking through aj's. yeah, he's probably reading this right now. thinking im hella nosey. But, honestly... i dont wanna be one of "them". i only read those past messages to see what he has ever said to any of the girls from his past. and compare that to what him and i do/are going to have. kirsten and i had this talk when i was going out with jerome. i tried my best to not be one of them. and yes, i've succeeded. i'm the one who actually lasted the longest and the one who broke up with him. he's broken up with all of them. i taught him a lesson.
And in this relationship that i'm currently in, with alejandro. im going to try my best to be different, to be someone special, to not be one of those girls who didn't last long. or one of those girls he had to say "i love you" to not lose, or cos he felt he had to. and that, is my goal. simple. i want us to last long. i want him to think of me differently. i want to be someone special, who'll make a big impact on his life in a positive way. i want him to say "i love you" when he means it from the bottom of his heart. and not, cos he has to. this here.. is all i want.

What if I told you that my heart beats a little more when you're around <3

oh, hey. i deleted like ten blog posts. and edited a bunch of them.

last night/this morning was fuckin horrible;
manang mj just came home drunk and started bitchin. manong gave shawn kayrene i a good lecture, we cried <3 togetherzzz.

"drunk words are sober thoughts"

and there are moments like this, where i get confused for no reason.

i haven't talked to my boyfraaaand for a few hours now. ugh, i miss him. i feel so darn sprung off of him, i just posted a picture that says "i heart aj" on his myspace. im such a loser for that. he says he's confused. i dont know, i dont feel like asking what about. i'll just leave it? and give him space? maybe, that's just what he needs right now.. i dont know.

i saw a whole bunch of family today! it was fun :D ahah!

it only takes one simple thing to do, to change my mind about everything <3

i need to stay away from you. i really do. before tonight, i just wanted to be a close good friend. i just wanted to be there for you, when you needed someone. i didn't want to be your girlfriend. but, it seemed like... you would ignore me, unless i was with you. but at a time like this, i need someone who'll make me happy. someone who'll understand me. i want you to understand that i'm always going to be here for you, like any other good friend. but, to me.. it seems like i HAVE TO be your girlfriend, or im NOTHING at all. i tried my best to change that. and just be a "friend". but after tonight, i think i need to stop trying. i need to stay away from you. i dont wanna fall for that game anymore. i just dont need it. and really... i cant believe i snuck out for you.

9182008< / 3 no mores.

Unlike anything that i have ever felt before. when we laid eyes, i can see that there was something more.

i guess it's true when they say, "there's a song to remind you of each person who was important to you". never ever will i listen to 'so sick' by ne-yo, again. i cant take it. rawr ;d i was late to school. and stupid kenneth took my last hash brown. what a bitch! oh, but i had an espresso brownie from starbucks. OH GOSH, im stressing out about school. can you believe that? i use to think that school didn't matter. but, it does. there are too many tests. i forgot my science journal in my locker, and i have a BIG ass test tomorrow. i won't even get to study! that's gay... -_- im done with the turnaround test for block and the benchmark test in math. i did horrible on the benchmark one. oh ha, wow. i've never been this close to anyone i've ever been in a relationship with. i always have this one weird feeling whenever im around him. i actually kinda like it ;) ha. it's just a bit akward for me.. since, this relationship is different than the ones before.

OOOOH, and if i get breast cancer -it's gonna be all Mahki's fault! he keeps abusing my boobs. what a bitch! D:

is it me, or am i just falling a bit too hard?

as i space out during the test in math, i find myself reminiscing about the past and daydreaming about the future. im glad that i am now with someone who'll try his best to make me happy. i dont regret anything that i've done in the past. they were mistakes, but hey.. just another lesson learned, right? mhm. as i thought about all the guys from my past, i just couldn't seem to figure out how this whole thing with aj was even possible. seems like, it wasn't that long ago that we were both in separate worlds... him in love with one of my close friends, and i crushing on an older guy who i knew i'd never get a chance with. -that may have been monthS ago, but to me.. it seems like it was only yesterday. Michael announced, "Finally!" ...yeah. my goodness, i miss my past like hell. i mean, dont take me wrong. im starting to love my life, now. but, i'd love to re-live my past. OKAY, so as i was taking a walk ; i was thinking how WHY i think my life is so bad compared to before. honestly, it's not. my friends are coming back to me, im finally with someone who makes me happy, im closer to my siblings than ever before. i guess, it's only BAD cos i've never thought this hard about how my life is. i have no dad, i don't communicate with half of my family, i cause too much trouble for my mom, my grades are low, i dont pay attention in class.. for some reason, bad thoughts just keep popping up at times, when im starting to enjoy what i have.

I promise that i wont be wasting your time, im tryna give you everything that's mine.

your my counterpoint & im tryna draw the line, +if im wrong then hell let me be blind ;)

during gym, we locked mister mac out :D that was hilarious! jeremy m, jerome c and the other guys were the ones who didn't open the door for him. blame it on them! hahaha in science, we made metamorphic rocks. jeremy, alyssa, charlotte, and mines turned out looking like a gingerbread man. so i kept him :D he's in my locker. "FRED!". i had to go on lailonnie's back to try to clip the tether ball to the string. didn't work... probably cos i was still too short! haha. my boobs got abused my stupid mahki. if i get breast cancer, it's gonna be all his fault! we had a party in block, it was fun. rosemarie has the same EXACT camera that im going to get. i envy her like hell! miss pruzan was arm wrestling people. it was weird -_-

Let me be the one to give you everything you want & need. Baby, you should let me love you.

i woke up about thirty minutes ago and started blogging about my dreams on prinncesxd.tumblr.com HAHAHA you dont have to read them if you dont want to though. that's my new dreamjournal :) so whateveeeer. ugly =P

Multiply your smile minus the drama. give me a fraction of your heart i'll solve your problems now put that together we make up a perfect equation.

no one else can makes me smile the way you do,

well, i had a pretty darn good day ! before school, bella and i argued as usual. and pushed eachother. hahaha, she's too skinny D: ooh, today.. all of us were wearing boots. bella planned it out. what a weirdo! right? :D history+gym=boring as usual. math was fun ! janice and i called everyone in the class whose number we knew. kirsten's phone rang ! it was hella loud, ha. janice started dying ! everyone else's phone was on silent or vibrate though. mister paloy was picking on me again. he warned me, when janice was the one laughing. that was stupid ! gahd. before fourth period, i got a hug from aj :D ha, shut up. eh. science was fun, except that people were talking too loud while i was trying to watch the movie -eagle eye. OOOH, and bella spilled hot chocolate on hieu ! then he accidentally spilled some on brandon's north face. but alexa and i had fun watching the movie while the other kids were gambling and playing thirteen. lunch was gay ! stupid devin tried to t-bag me while i was sitting on the floor finishing my homework. what a bitch. while walking down the hallway to get to fifth period, i fell since janice made me laugh too hard ! ha, she's hilarious. aj picked me back up, or well.. tried. block was way more fun than usual ! paolo tried on skylar's tutu :D that was hilarious ! everyone was dying. kenneth texted me while the counselor was talking. rawr ;d he told me things i didn't really wanna hear. but oh wells.. EEEEE ! i'll blog later. im talking to aj on aim.

"i was there when you fell, and i picked you right back up." ha, nice.

Your love, is the sweetest drug

"you look like a school girl when you wear collared t-shirts. all you need is a plaid skirt" HAHAHAH :D no thank you.

i ate breakfast today :D that was the first in months. i came to school with none of my homework finished. i had eight hours of sleep last night, that hasn't happened since winter break. i had a big test in history ! i dont think i did very well. i got processed in math -_- for the first time ever. thanks mr. paloy! i only had one warning and hella other people already had two. and once i got another one, he sent me out. i swear, he has something against me. so does miss pruzan. lunch was alright, i guess.

after fifth period i went up to kenneth and told him to tell jacob to break up with me. and i mean OFFICIALLY break up with me. i didnt wanna do it, cos i'd feel all guilty afterwards. once jacob came to kenneth he asked why he needed to. kenneth told him cos i said so. jacob was shocked, didnt know what to do. he kept asking why. kenneth said, "just say it's over!" and once i changed my expression jacob finally said it. "okay.. it's over?" and i nodded my head gracefully and walked away. i told bella what happened. she said im stupid for that. i should've just broke up with him instead of telling him to do it. but look at the bright side, i dont have to feel guilty about talking to other guys while we were going out, right?

How do we reverse the chemistry, i don't want us to be the end of me

what a rough day
things started out great. i tried on jerome tabin's eyeglasses. they aren't that bad. he says i look better with them on :D ha ! he's uber weird. OH, and my gym clothes and stuff got stolen. lunch was alright, i finished my science homework.

during passing period, i grabbed jacob aside and tried talking to him. people started surrounding us, it started to look all dramatic. qristaan thought i was crying so he pretended to wipe a tear off my cheek -__- the guys were tellin' jacob to get on his knees and beg. i didnt want him to look like a little bitch so i said "no" . he tried apologizing. "sorry doesn't work" . :] even more people started grouping around us, and getting into our business. i couldn't take it. so i walked away. it was just too much pressure. i didnt know what else to say, what else to do. i couldnt even explain how i felt for the past two weeks feelings abandoned by him. i almost started crying during sixth period. what a bitch ! D: and afterschool, people told me that jacob got on his knees once i walked away... HA, WOW.

I use to hate love, cause I just couldn't figure it out.

i guess no one has my heart, after all
dude, i've been blogging about guys for the past month. you must be tired of reading about it. OH WELLS, dont read it then. first of all, i think this whole situation with jacob is stupid. i really want to talk to him about how our relationship ended. this is starting to end up how jamie and i ended. no one broke up with one another we just both suspected something was wrong and didn't claim eachother anymore. but with jacob, he abandoned me. i want to tell him how he did me wrong, how worried i was, how stupid i am. i dont wanna confront him and make everything seem all dramatic and crap. i just wanna talk things out. not get back together, but settle things so that nothing will seem akward between us. and to jamie... my goodness. why cant i get over the fact that we're not together anymore? i guess it's cos i miss how you use to give me all of your attention. and i miss how you would always make me laugh. oh gahd. and to the other dude, who i know is reading this.. i dont know how we would ever take a step further of what we currently have. we dont even talk face to face. and a nudge when you walk past me, isn't saying "hi". communicate with me in the RIGHT ways.

I'm just like every other girl who wants to believe that fairytales really do come true.

First day back to school from break was okay. i got to see most of my love ones :) but not my two main bitches : khristina and hieu ! rideordiechick, i love you and i hope you feel better sometime soon. little bitch ass brother, nigga get your ass to school tomorrow. i miss you! hahah. janice got me chocolates like i recommended. rawr ;d i got hit a lot, today. talk about abussive students ! D: janice made me die of laughter during block. she tried to take my binder away and like i fell >.< alexa started dying ! it was retarded. OOH, and i got the biggest hug ever from bella :D ! and i didn't talk to alejandro, at all. weird. i forgot to say "hi". no, not forgot. just felt like he didn't wanna talk to me. gym was fun ? freetime, making fun of jerome and his glasses, watching jamie fall :D , hitting mr. mac in the head with the volleyball! i got good ass aim ^_^ hehehe, my day went pretty darn good .

It's the simple things that my heart beats for<3

and as i checked my phone this morning, i noticed khristina sent me a text.
baby, i know how youre feeling right now. well, mostly. im so sorry that your gramps passed awat. it feels like everything is crashing down on you, the world might as well end. i know exactly how you bursted into tears, and still are shedding tears. one of my loved ones passed away in 2005. i know, i was younger. i didn't know as much and i didn't know EXACTLY what was going on. but once my grandma was gone. it felt like everything ended. my heart stopped for a second. i bursted into tears. i know, that youre probably doing worse since your gramps was very, very close to you. it's probably the way my brother and my gma was. i just want you to know, im always gonna be ehre for you babes. no matter what. and if you need someone to talk to about it, im always gonna be here. i understand how you feel. i know how horrible things may seem to you at the moment. i love you, and you know that.

All I want to do is give all my love to you. My heart belongs to you. This I promise you.

so my day started out okay, i woke up early. BUT, it started to get worse. im PMSing. and i hate when i am! fuckin' moodswings and shit. OOH, and did i mention it's snowing? i think there's going to be a two hour delay for school tomorrow. it's snowing now, but it's suppose to rain later so the roads might clear up.

OOH, and im starting to get use to using photofiltre. i downloaded it this morning, and i was editing +messing with photos for about an hour. look to the left. hahah! it looks pretty gay. but i'll get better :] ...sometime soon. OH AND BTW, why doesn't anyone comment my blog?! even if you dont have a blogspot, you can still comment. just click the '_ comments' link.

Let's be grateful that the strain of our arguments only brought us closer than before.

4:55pm:

boy trouble= what my life has been revolving around for the past four months. i cant even take it anymore.

"every single day i wonder what we can be. but there could never be us cuz it would never work out, cuz of these little things that we trip about. im in...no i cant say that since its not in your vocabulary. but i just really like you. and you should know that. just somtimes i cant get you off my mind like the only way i can get you off my mind if the doctors do surgery on me to take you off my mind. but i wont let them do that. i just wish some day there can actually be a us"

i really can't believe you just sent that to me through my truth box
-___-


5:38pm:

"im sorry for telling you how i feel/felt about us just being friends and nothing more. i just wasnt thinking. i havent slept all day. my mind isnt just working right, right now.and i said i wasnt going to hurt you anymore. but im not living up to it. i just hurted you again, im guilty as charged. its just that this feeling for you is making me crazy."

-_- wth, aj.

first day of 2k9 :]

okay, so my new year's eve started out bad. but ended up really good. i got to see my dad's side of the family. i haven't seen them in like TWO years! so i was pretty glad.