i'm quitting !

migrating to tumblr :D get at itttttt.

-my dreamjournal that i made on tumblr looks better than blogspot. so yeeeauh.

i can make it juicy, for yaaa, babe.

jerome hella fell asleep. stupid shit. i guess, nothing to do now. can't listen to music cos the parentals might wake up. emily has the earphones. i want to use her iMac computer that shawn gave to her. it looks pretty =.= that's the second computer he gave her. when is he gonna give me one! hers looks better than this dell. i hate how the screen is so wide..

i wear my disguise, til' i go home at night. and turn down all the lights, and then I break down and cry.

i don't have anyone to turn to at this point. i've faded away from basically... everyone. i hate it. i hate myself =/ shawn says i have low self esteem. he's right, i do. i feel like crying. and apparently, for no good darn reason.

fact : i'm not being bitchy or moody right now.
mood: neglected ;/

Why do i do the things i do? when my heart, belongs to you

baby don’t leave, please don’t go. i was a fool not to show, how I really feel inside. i was scared cos i been hurt a time or two. but nothing compares to losing you. willing to put my pride aside.. to show you the heart behind my eyes,

aj's profile songs are stuck in my head >_> lalala ! i was talking to jamie kenneth carlos and aj from 1am - 4-am, well sort of. after it hit 3am they said jamie hung up. i wasn't really sure though. and half an hour later kenneth fell asleep =.= he was breathing very deeply, loudly. aj said "brb" to get a drink. so i was stuck talking to carlos, i asked him if he was getting tired. he said yes ;O so when aj started talking again, i think carlos fell asleep. cos his voice sounded all weird. so i talked to aj for 20 minutes :D personal shit. we talked about weird things. i haven't talked to him on the phone for longer than 10 minutes alone since last month ! either than this morning. kenneth started breathing louder so aj said bye and i love you. hung up. i started reading cos i'm a dork o_O my mom woke me up at 7am for no good frrrucking reason - i was pissed dude, i started yelling at her. she told me to look for the remote but i could barely open my eyes. jazmyne called an hour ago. i wanna go out to eat with her. but i need money from emily ;/ brandon called half an hour ago, i told him about my dream / nightmare. then he said i could go back to sleep. so i hung up. aj <3 i miss him. he's probably sleeping though =/

babe, let's just be...

so mid-winter break starts on monday. it's going to be fun without going to school, seeing the teachers and worrying about my grades and crap. but then again, whenever we don't have school.. i feel really anti-social. i just spent the past four hours talking on the phone with khristina. that hasn't happened for a while. i was texting carlos for a few hours. and i barely talked to anyone else today. other than them. >_> i keep saying this but, i really miss my boyfriend. a week without seeing him? or any of the mains? that's going to be super hard D: it's already hard not seeing him over the weekend. add five days, and another weekend. that's super gay. i'll see khristina and janet at least once though. i want someone else to call me now ;/ i feel like hearing aj's voice. oh no, i sound all sprung. stop that.

sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. somebody pinch me, your love's to good to be true

today is friday the thirteenth. i seriously thought today was going to be horrible. turns out, it was great. i barely had to do any work in school. but i was mad after second period. we had an assembly during first period. my class was suppose to be watching a movie. in second period, the teacher was suppose to look at our sketchbooks and grade us on our drawings and vocabulary words. but everyone went before me in line. so a minute before the bell rang at the end of class i asked if he could grade mine and if i could get a pass, since everyone went before me. and he was busy grading theres he didn't get to do mine. he said no, he wouldn't write me a pass -_- so i ran to third period before i could be any more late than i thought i was going to be. finished the map test in the computer lab. had a test in science afterwards. i took extra long cos i didn't get it for the first 15 minutes ! i spent lunch time with aj and khristina outside. jerome took my i.d. from aj O.o he kept throwing it around. so at the end of lunch i had to chase him and hit him to get it back. mister piccoli didn't do shit about it. what an ass! didn't have to do a lot of work during block. ate cookies, and i looked through a very old yearbook. miss pruzan threw a paper ball at me >_> RUDE.

paolo gave me $43 to go buy a chococat for vanessa. since he isn't going to be able to go to the mall for the next week or so. i went straight home after khristina gave me valentine candies =/ boring ! i fell asleep twenty minutes after i got home. got a call around 4pm. kenneth said he was outside w/ aj and jacob >:O i changed and ran up the hill. emily looked at me weird. rawr. those bitches were really there, too -_- went to benefit with them three. i went on the swings and spent the whole time with aj. he had to leave, so kenneth and jacob walked me home. well.. -ish. i got home, ate some chocolate covered strawberries and now i'm watching TFC with my mom and uncle. texting khristina about how there's another friday the thirteenth next month. and texting carlos about how i blog when i'm bored lols

i never really trusted you.. i just did what I had to do, cos i loved you.

i need to get my hair layered again, and my bangs cut. i just trimmed my bangs. not that noticeable. i was scared to cut more off =.= emily just offered me to go with her to southcenter. but i'm sorta too lazy and my left eye hurts. what the fuck! i never really passed a chance to go to the mall. but whatever, i guess. i need to stop wasting emily's money. i'm going to play sims2, nightlife. since no one's calling me yet.

i'm into you. and boy, no one else would do. cos with every kiss and every hug, you make me fall in love.

today was alright. boring ;/ i volunteered to go clean up gold fish crackers off the ground in the hallway. mister kochevar gave me a lead pencil and a bunch of lead. he's nice o_O it's weird ! bella, jessica and i agree that he's now our favorite teacher. we're going to have a party tomorrow. had to do a math test during third period in the computer lab.. it was so fucking hard, dude. i guessed on most of them. uhh, i guess aj and i are talking again. i'm glad he's not avoiding me anymore. i need to cut my bangs! i'll do it tonight >_< i have 'C' and a 'D' in block class. since i have a bad grade, i have to get my parent to sign this one form. and i have to do make up work D; i am no longer friends with hieu and mahki -_- but they think i'm just mad at them. stupid stupid stupid!

my uncle's telling me to go eat. i'm not even hungry. stupid shit. and all there is that's cooked is squid. YUCK! i hate the way they cook it. stupid filipinos D:< i'll probably put some eggos in the toaster - eat those and pretend that i'll eat the squid :D

tell me why,

i believed everything you've once said to me.
i'm a fool...

you said you wouldn't give up on me. you said you loved me.
but at this moment, it seems like you have. and you don't.
you said it was stupid for us to avoid eachother.
yet, that's what we're currently doing.
you said you cared, -doesn't seem like it...
you once told me that you said all of those things,
because you truly meant it.
you said maybe, one day you'd get tired of me..
maybe that day is today.
but you also said this was like a birthmark
and it'd never go away.
you said you'd be able to love me
longer than you've waited before.
you said you wouldn't hurt me..
it has happened a couple of times.
yet, i still believed you.
you told me that if i really understood, then i'd know
that i was the most important person in your life.
though, i thought it wasn't true.. i believed you.
you said you wanted us to be together.
but we're farther apart now than ever before.

i remembered every single thing you've once said to me.
and i believed all of it, and i trusted you.
but i guess... everything i thought isn't what it seemed to be.

Now, youre saying love's only temporary.

i honestly can't believe how sprung i am -_-

a typical thirteen year old's day.

emily and chris dropped me off at school this morning. i told jessica about how i confessed to cam. she said it seemed like that was impossible -_- i am seriously not the person i use to be. brandon and i were drawing domo-kuns during science. he said he'd buy me a pink domo :DDD mister walen was passing out papers to give out to our parents. numerous of us asked for it in tagalog. alexa asked for one in japanese.. even though her parents are full filipino. XD it was hilarious! brandon gave me a big bag of hot cheetos for lunch. too bad everyone was killing it D: peter kept bringing up the fact that aj was holding me on friday. and that we don't even go out .. peter was making it a very big darn deal. either he cares way too much, and just wants to watch out for me. or something else. qristaan told me something at lunch, about what jamie was going to do. i went ballistic cos i didn't know what to do about it. i hate disappointment, especially when it's towards me. it hurts. before fifth period, i had a vagina cramp... or maybe it was just something with my bladder. who knows! kenneth guessed. i told khristina about it >_> she thought it was weird. whatever! i love her.

hello seattle :)

8:31am -
you fucking bipolar ass weather, city. it was kind of snowing around 4/5am. and now it's all sunny-ish. you fucker! i went to sleep around 2 last night. and woke up around 5:40. took a nap from 7-8, since we have late start. i love having late start. short classes are fun.

9:14am -
i missed my bus. thanks to the fact that emily's late to work.. her and chris could bring me. she said she'll text me in two minutes when to go to the car, i dont know. and she just found my report card. my GPA: 3.1
stupid fucking shit. three classes said, "Too much socializing."
....too much socializing? MY ASS!

"i want to be like aladdin and jasmine, like romeo and juliet.. i want us to be ...together."

"o0o0o0o!" STFU. oh gosh, i just got back from northgate and target. i feel like a mallrat. i've been to the mall for the past two days. that's gay. i'm seriously bored. my cousin's having a baby and the babyshower is today. but, i guess i'm not going. my sister wants me to stay home with my brother and watch the house. blah blah blah. i was really looking forward to seeing my cousins -_- Bye. i'm gonna go eat some oreos +milk, i haven't had any in a very long time.

and whenever i think it's over... i tend to be wrong, everytime. cos we're not.

"28th"=BAD LUCK. it just is. today was fine. i got to see Jelena :D i mean.. i miss her. but then again, she changed so much. it's just plain weird. like forreals though >.< lol

-For some reason, so many stressful things have been happening. and it's making me more weak than i already am. i'm becoming a person i promised myself i'd never become. i don't like it, and i for sure can't stand it! i've noticed i reminisce more than i should, and more than anyone else. really. and it's because i haven't thought well about my life in so long. especially, since sixth grade. i look on how much pain i am currently going through compared to how stress-free i was back then. and you know what? it hurts. I can't even believe how badly all of this shit affected me.

imagine if you could hear the sound of a fallen star, that's how closely i would listen for the beat of your heart

there was early dismissal today, so i went to jefferson with cheryl carey april brandon hieu paolo mahki and jerome. we saw sixth graders there. i have no idea why, i'm home so darn early ! it kinda makes me pissed, ha. and i can't even get a hold of anyone who wants to go kick it. i don't wanna stay home! UGH. this week was straight up gay. monday was alright; tuesday went horrible. i ended up crying in fourth period due to how mad i was- stupid anger tears. things got worse when i talked to aj. today/wednesday; BORING. my phone stopped working! my sisters forgot to pay the bills. this sucks! but i had fun with the girls and homo guys at jefferson. ughk, last night.. i broke down. i told kenneth everything. i honestly don't know how all my stress got built up that i exploded and opened up to him. fucker!

this circle never ends.... and it's time you just face it. just, don't pretend,

for some reason, dreams and songs change my mood. and sometimes, even my outlook on things.

dreamjournal. i miss my old one.. eergh. i haven't had a lot of dreams, eversince jamie and i broke up. i'm not saying that it's a bad or good thing. just thought it was a really, weird thing.