Dec.31st, 2k8; my confessions of '08

i haven't gotten much sleep, but im fine. i took a few naps so i should be okay, for awhile. going to dinner with my two sisters and maybe my two brothers tonight. okay, so i thought i should confess about everything that has happened over the year. and i should also restate my new year's resolutions.

let's start off with relationships: jerome tabin/cadelina was my first actual boyfriend. i cant really say that anything special happened. he taught me how to overcome my shy-ness and he showed me what kind of relationship i deserved. jamie orme was my second. he was a type of person who taught me how to just have fun. i wasn't worried about how he thought about me, he made me happy. but eventually, things turned. i had to let it go, but i still have feelings for him.. yes, even if he didn't treat me as good as he should've. jacob celmar doesn't fall into the vocabulary of an ex. he's still my current? i lost all feelings for him. i lost all my respect for him also. he has abandoned me :] OH but the one thing that really made me fall for him was that, he took advantage of me. i kinda liked it. time to move on. and to all the guys that i have been crushing on, it was just another lesson learned.

and friends: i miss every single past bestfriend i had. im not that same happy little girl anymore. the last time i was TRULY happy was last school year =/ when i had people who meant something to me, cheer me up. with all those different personalities, making up my own. i could never be truly happy without them, it's impossible. one friend i'll never forget is kristina mon. and also, janet nguyen. compared to before, i dont talk to you two AT ALL. whenever i think about how our friendship went down the drain, i wonder.

family: things have gotten better and worse. especially worse. though, we all stuck by eachother through the rough times. i dont know where i'd be without my siblings.

education/school: i hate it! though i love how i get to see my friends five days a week. winter break has been killing me. i miss the mains. but i hate all of my teachers, this school year. i miss ms.coe! she was the best block teacher ever.

myself: i have changed too much. this one dude, made me a weak person. he made me go through an emo stage that mentally changed me. i cant even go back. though i thank him for teaching me to not forget that this is reality. not a dream. fairytales dont always come true. i just wish i didnt meet that guy. cos without him in my life, i'd be fine. i wouldn't have went through that emo stage. and i'd probably still have all my friends. i kept trying to move on. but i moved on in the wrong way. i tried to move on my forgetting about that guy and going on to the next. instead, i did that with friends. but now, i've learned my lesson. i just want everything back to normal!! me being a bitch. me being happy. me being careless. me being a fun and retarded person. me not caring about what anyone else thinks. and now i TRY to be all of that. when honestly, it's just me pretending.




new year's resolutions:
-get facial piercing
-lose at least five pounds
-succeed in everything i do
-try to become the old old me
-gain back my old friendships ><
-get over my past

Now I have a hand to hold, and a reason to believe<3

oh my gosh, so while i was walking to the store with my niece kayrene at like five/six am.. i almost passed out like three times. i got so light headed that i like practically fell on the street for like a second. weird weird weird. today was weird though. i ate almost all of shawn's jalapeno chips :D ima fatty. rawr ;d

Our love for eachother is like a rollercoaster.

HAHA ooookay. i didnt get any rest yet. my sister said everyone in the house needs to be up by nine to eat breakfast and open presents. but we weren't tired yet, and we were bored. so my brother - shawn, niece - kayrene, nephew - junior, and i went to the park around four:forty. we went down the slides. and pushed eachother into the snow. had a little snowball fight. it got boring, so around five:thiry we started to walk to another park that was almost a mile away. rawr ;d we got a lot of exercise. we were sledding and stuff. then we got reallllly cold since it was snowing a lot. so a little bit before seven, we started walking home. got home around seven:fifteen-ish. OOH, and did i mention we were singing a bunch of songs together. holiday songs and just random r&b, hip hop, and rock songs while walking there and back. AHAHA and whenever a car passed by we paused - froze and posed! it was verrrry funny. especially cos drivers were looking at us like "WTFFFF" lmao. Once we got home, we had to take off our outer layer of clothes before we got into the house since they didnt want the wooden floors to be all wet and slippery. my feet were seriously frozen. i couldn't feel them. so while everyone was already inside, i was outside for another ten minutes trying to take my boots off. my brothers started laughing at me. i know right! HELLLLA MEAN. once i got inside, we all planned to just stay up since there was only an hour and a half left to be up. next thing ya know, ten minutes later junior shawn kayrene start to lay down on the floor and couch. THEN five minutes later, my other brother checks on them and they're KNOCCCCCCKED OUT. haha so i guess im the only one who's pullin an all nighter. gay, right? whatever. im fine. im not sleepy yet. and hey, my christmas is turning out better than i thought it would =)

merry christmas, bitch

and happy birthday khristina manivanh! love you ride or die bitch.

happy birthday otherhalf =)

i love you jessica daproza. you complete me. haha, corny much? but it's whatever. i hope your day goes great! and not like how you said it'd go. i wish i could take you out, and go eat pho' or something, but the stupid ass snow! it's too icy and cold to go anywhere. rawr.

and thanks for the good ass advice. youre the only one who's supporting me on this.

real eyes, realize, real lies.

OKAY, so im kinda pissed.. jacob and i haven't talked in person since tuesday. haven't talked on the phone since like.. last friday. and i hate that he only talks to me on myspace. and he's leaving in like what? TWO days, to the philippines. which means : NO communication, at all. for about two weeks?! or somethin' like that. yeah, this sucks. stupid stupid stupid me.

Something as simple as me hearing your name, puts me in a place that I can't even explain.

guess what? today would've been jamie and i's three months

He got me speeding through the fast lane, pedal to the floor maayne, tryna get back to his love.

i guess i was wrong. i didn't get rejected by jacob. he asked me out on the tenth. but im forreals still stressin' out about school.

i wanna switch block classes! i get in trouble every day.. for no freakin reason. i swear, she hates me! im not even gonna lie. and stupid teachers won't let me switch. i hate honor classes!